Come As You Are
by spacegrass
Summary: Butthead has a great idea that if he had a chick, he could get MORE chicks. And then, he could finally score! Beavis/Butthead slash.


[ wrote this for another awesome author who'll find it as kickass as i did.. and i don't own any of these characters. Mike Judge would flail in agony if i did ]

For a record timing, and without seeming too obvious, Butthead managed to eavesdrop on Kimberly's conversation with the girls she sat behind. Sometimes it paid to just shut up, whether or not he could currently admit to understanding the logic it took. While Beavis overheard bits and pieces of what the girls said and re-phrased it into his own signature lingo, Butthead was more than transfixed on the points that Kimberly, specifically, made. The head cheerleaders got with the lead jocks on the football team and accordingly, other girls seemed to be jealous.. All kinds of girls.. from the notoriously slutty girls, to the nerdy ones with surprisingly big thingies, to the pretty, preppy ones with straight A's and rich daddies. Perhaps he was onto something..

Kimberly was a looker, no doubts about that. It wasn't uncommon for her to tattle to Mr. Van Driessen about Beavis and Butthead's sexually harassing comments and gestures they'd so lewdly yet predictably exhibit during the middle of class. Frankly, they'd been pestering her for years. They were the ones who popped her bra strap when she first started wearing one back into the fifth grade and when given the chance, they still do that now.. Nevertheless, Kimberly sparked something within Butthead's brain, a thought so brilliant, it couldn't have been any less than fact. She swooned and giggled with the other girls about her crushes on the football team, especially the seniors, and of course, if they weren't taken, she'd jump at the opportunity.. then again, what would she have to loose of she took her chances anyway?

Butthead slumped down in his desk and looked over at Beavis, who was entertaining himself by drawing stickman fatalities on the back of a notebook. "Hey Beavis," he said, followed by his typical huh-huh-huh that came naturally, "I think I've, like.. figured it out or something.. Chicks want to score with dudes that already have chicks.. So, like.. if we had chicks, we could get MORE chicks."

"Oh yeah," Beavis agreed as expected. He didn't really see how such a plan would work, but since Butthead thought of it, it must've had potential. "So, like.. where are you gonna get a chick.. to get OTHER chicks?"

He had a point. The plan needed a bit of elbow grease before it was considered failproof. Even Butthead knew that walking up to the next girl and suavely saying, "Hey baby," wouldn't work- years of experience had confirmed this- so the only way to get the decoy chick he needed to carry out his plan was to literally create her.. and there weren't a lot of willing participants, except Beavis or Stewart.

..Okay, maybe just Beavis. ..And he probably wouldn't be "willing" at all, but if Butthead said to do something, Beavis would do it, sure enough. Or he'd kick his ass.

After school, Butthead only got as far as the last step on the stoop when he decided that his plan was in full swing.

"How much money you got?" He and Beavis both dug into their pockets and counted their change- a meager $1.37 combined.. but luckily, Butthead's geniusness prevailed. "Let's go see if, like.. Mr. Anderson needs any stuff from the store or something.."

That might as well have been a battle cry because of course, Mr. Anderson was due to get ripped off, but like always, he'd fall for it and never know what hit him. Of all the times Beavis and Butthead had vandalized his property or destroyed the entrails of his house, he still, for whatever reason, had enough tolerance to give the boys another chance. Either that, or he thought they were a completely different set of boys each time he encountered them.. he never remembered their names well enough to prove otherwise.. but none of that really mattered so long as Beavis and Butthead got their jollies from taking advantage of his lack of knowing any better.

Once arriving at their destination, the humble home of the unsuspecting Mr. Anderson, Butthead knocked on the door, ready to get on with his mission.. those chicks were horny and the sooner he could catch their attention, the sooner he could score.

Mr. Anderson opened the door and adjusted his glasses. Butthead didn't wait for him to speak first. "So, uhh.. like... do you need some stuff? Cause, uh, we can go and get it for ya."

Beer can in hand, the older man took a long drink. He considered the offer and almost instinctively, took the bait. In his thick Texan drawl, he said, "Well, actually, boys, me and the misses need to pick up a prescription from the drug store. We've been waitin' for the cable man to come by so if you don't mind, you could take care of that errand for us." Reaching into his back pocket, he found his wallet and one-handedly, opened it to pull out a ten-dollar bill. "Shouldn't cost no more than that; it's on the four-dollar list. Go ahead and keep the rest for yourselves, buy yourselves a Coke. We're gonna be here all evenin' so no rushin', we'll be here when you get back."

"Uhh.. you can count on us, sir." Butthead only saw green as the money was handed over and not surprisingly, he hadn't heard a word Mr. Anderson said.. something about cable and a s-sssupscription or something? Whatever. He and Beavis turned away and huh-huh'ed and heh-heh'ed all the way down the sidewalk.

"Hey Butthead, where're we going?"

"To, like.. get you some chick clothes."

"What? ..No way!" Beavis balled his fists and shook them in front of himself, as he had a tendency to do when he was frustrated. It was really sinking in now.. that he was going to play the role of Butthead's chick.. to make other chick's jealous so that he could score.. How he hadn't thought of those circumstances before was a science all but reckoned with, but Butthead's confidence was enough to secure, or at least, intimidate the belief that his ultimate goal could be achieved. That, and Beavis just kinda figured that if Butthead scored, he could score, too.

The Highland mall seemed pretty far-fetched as admittedly, Butthead didn't know where to start.. but they were practically broke, so a thrift store seemed to be a good place to appease their budget. Inside the store, Daria felt she was at the right place at the wrong time as immediately, she noticed the both of them; their cackling was pretty unmistakable.. From her eye corners, she couldn't help but watch as they went straight to the women's clothing and pervertedly, they started fondling all the pieces that would eventually cover a set of boobs. "Woah!" Beavis exclaimed as he pulled a simple black corset out of the bunch.

Butthead mused right along with him as they stared at the thing with wide eyes. "Cool.. Now put that back, dumbass, you're too flat to wear that." The rummage went on a whole thirty more seconds until he decided to throw a pink, frilly dress at Beavis. "Go put this on, fartknocker, and make it snappy.."

As Butthead gave a stern point toward in the direction of the dressing rooms, Beavis mumbled, "Oh, uhh, o-okay.." and did as told. By now, Daria was either conflicted or intrigued enough that she HAD to go see what they were doing.. or what they were planning to do. Nothing those idiots did surprised her anyway, it wasn't like she'd be walking in on some jaw-dropping activity.. but considering Butthead was dressing Beavis up like a knock-off Shirley Temple, she knew one of them must've had a plan that would go terribly wrong if she didn't step in to help them. It was kinda like scraping roadkill off the yellow line, at least giving the animal a little peace in the ditch after a gut-spilling death.

"What're you morons doing?" She asked blandly as she stepped up to Butthead.

"Go away, Diarrhea. We're gonna score."

..And then, Beavis exited the dressing room, looking like a failed, half-assed princess from a terrible attempt at a Disney re-make. He tugged at the hem of the dress, trying to pull it down further than his knees. Standing there in his white socks, he looked goofy enough that Butthead added insult to injury by pointing, laughing, and calling him a dumbass again.

"Shut up, Butthead, this is seriously freakin' me out!"

"Okay," Daria swatted Butthead's hand down before either of them could draw more attention to themselves.. or to her.. "I take it that you're wanting to turn Beavis into a girl. I won't ask why but I'll at least try to set you on your best foot forward.. and don't even bother to thank me later, because I'd rather not be associated with anything that you do." Reluctantly, she went over to the dressing room and knelt down to pick up Beavis' Metallica shirt, having a look at the size on its tag to know remotely where to begin. "Beavis, you look ridiculous," she flatly stated, ushering him back into the room. "Just give me a few minutes.. You might get a few girls to stare at you rather than run away, screaming, but I can't say for sure."

Butthead followed Daria as she skimmed through the racks of clothes. She was there to look for a new camo jacket.. nothing worth spending big bucks on.. Oh, yeah, that may be an issue, too.. "How much money do you have?" she stopped looking long enough to peer over at Butthead, who held up the money in his palm.

"Uhh.. ten... ten, one... uhhh.."

"Eleven thirty-seven. Wow."

Butthead returned to mock Beavis through the dressing room door and god-willing, Daria eventually found some clothes that they could afford, and that didn't look half bad either. The shirt she chose had a low-cut neck with short sleeves and thin material so that it would hug Beavis' sides tightly when he wore it. She figured his having no boobs would throw off the image Butthead may be picturing in his head, so it was essential that Beavis wore something form-fitting enough to cause a slight distraction, at least. The rest was a pair of jeans, obviously girls', with flared legs and a spirally floral design up their sides with some pink thrown in. She dropped a pair of flip-flops right in front of them and they met the floor with loud clacks. She felt like she'd just gone shopping for her preppy younger sister, but whatever.. she'd done her good deed for the week.

"There. The jeans are three dollars, the shirt and the shoes are two. You can afford it. Don't bother to thank me later.. whatever you're planning isn't going to work.. but at least poor Beavis won't have to suffer as bad as he would've had YOU decided what he wore."

And naturally, because Daria did all the work FOR them, after they paid, they left the thrift store to go get some nachos with what little money was left over. It was the least Butthead could do for Beavis for being such a good sport.

Needless to say, Mr. and Mrs. Anderson never got their prescription filled.

"Hurry up, dillhole, I'm ready to score!" Butthead stood at the bedroom door, kicking it naggingly. On the other side, tiny grunts and grumbles could be heard as Beavis dressed himself in the clothes Daria had chosen yesterday, back at the thrift store. He hadn't tried on the jeans, admittedly, and they fit rather tight.. but surprisingly, he wore them as well as any girl could and Butthead had to do a double-take when the door opened and Beavis stepped out.

"So, like.. how's this gonna work? ..I dunno, Butthead, I just-"

"Shut up!" Butthead snapped to cut him off. He hadn't yet formed a valid opinion of what he saw.. the lines of Beavis' collarbone showed well above the neck of that shirt and the lower hem was just short enough that you could get a peek of his belly whenever he lifted his arms. They'd both seen plenty of girls wear clothes like that at school.. and both of them got stiffys.. but clearly, Beavis was more than uncomfortable as he tried to pull the waistband of the jeans higher than they could actually go. "Just shut up and pretend you're my girlfriend.." That was all Butthead said. That was all he really COULD say as from now on, it was go time, and pretty much an experiment on how this plan would unravel itself. Stepping outside, Beavis struggled to get used to the feeling of his toes wiggling freely in a pair of flip-flops and Butthead refused to look at him, only huh-huh-huh'ing at his friend's stupidity all the way to school. Beavis could've protested but it would've been no use. Butthead would've reigned supreme one way or another.. and if it meant a possibility that they could finally score, then the embarrassment was worth it.

The school hallways seemed ten times longer, too, as Beavis ominously looked down them. The second they approached the building, they were the center of attention and Beavis hoped that they'd at least make it past gym before getting clobbered (though he fully expected it sooner than that).

"Here we go, dude.." Butthead declared as he slid his arm behind the small of Beavis' back. Oddly, that was thrilling enough.. just imagining that eventually, he'd be doing the same thing to a chick with big hooters.. and accordingly, he looked rather sure of himself as he and Beavis carried on to class. "Woah! ...Check it out, Beavis, I think it's working!" ...Clearly, he'd mistaken all the girls' looks of repulsed confusion for that of striking jealousy, the kind he'd set his hopes for, and at the first sight of them, Daria quickly escaped from their view before she could be acknowledged for having anything to do with this.

In class, Butthead had pulled their desks together so that he could sit with his arm draped across Beavis' shoulders as he'd seen some of the senior boys do to their girls. While Mr. Van Driessen was giving a speech about equal rights, Kimberly looked vulnerable, so Butthead was ready to make a move.

"Uhh, so like, I gotta girlfriend.."

Kimberly only looked over her shoulder for a whole two seconds, crinkled her nose, and turned away.

"Damnit, Beavis, why aren't these chicks fighting over us? We could've scored by now!"

Mr. Van Driessen stopped talking and finally looked to the back of the class, as he always did at some point or other. "What're you two up to?" ..Maybe that was the break they needed because now, EVERYBODY turned to look.

"Like.. this is my girlfriend. And we're gonna score." ..Both boys started laughing, being their typical selves, but neither of them really heard what Butthead said or how it could've been interpreted.

"Yeah, yeah," Beavis cackled in agreement, "We're gonna SCORE.. yeah, FINALLY."

Mr. Van Driessen looked from Butthead to Beavis, then back to Butthead again. Taking a chance at adding logic to the situation, he said, "You know, this could be a very positive experience for you guys.. We live in a world where we're free to be who we are on the inside and we shouldn't have any fear in being that person. I'm proud of you, Beavis, because I've not seen many boys your age who were confident enough to do that."

"Yeah," Butthead huh-huh'ed sarcastically, "He's being who he is on the INSIDE."

"Shut up, Butthead, this was YOUR IDEA.."

And the rest of that idiotic argument went ignored by everyone else in the room as it neither had a beginning nor an end.

At lunch time, the boys were surrounded by plenty of hot chicks, ideally what Butthead had foreseen, and decided it was best to take his plan one step further. "Hey Beavis," he said as he pulled a chair away from one of the tables, "Come here and, like.. sit in my lap.." This was something he'd mainly seen Todd doing, where he'd have a big-hooter'ed girl propped up on his thighs as he nipped the side of her neck. It was certainly something you couldn't easily look away from and many, many times, Butthead had gotten some wood just by staring too long.

Beavis looked a bit miffed but hardly protested- he'd attended school completely cross-dressed, so now, what was there to protest about? ..Coming over to Butthead, he eased up to sit in his lap and rather reluctantly, the other boy wrapped his arms around his middle.. and at that moment, there was full-on proof that sometimes, it was the simplest things that made the biggest impression as both of them were literally struck dumb with each other. This was the first time Butthead had let his fingers idle around someone else's waist, having the opportunity to toy with the zipper at the seam of a pair of jeans that wasn't his own. Beavis swallowed hard in his throat, forgetting what this was all about- what he felt was weird but strangely comforting. Experimentally, he turned enough to loop an arm around Butthead's shoulders and stroked the side of his neck with lingering fingertips.. he'd seen girls do that to Todd plenty of times.. as far as he was concerned, he was just playing along.. and Butthead was a bit smitten by the whole ordeal. He hadn't planned to get carried away, but apparently, in the heat of such a moment, he did.. There was something pleasurable about the way he raised his palms along Beavis' sides, feeling the material of the shirt gather as more of his skin was exposed.. and all of this was happening in front of a student body that paid absolutely no attention.. But snapping out of it, Butthead shoved Beavis out of his lap, sending him falling hard against the floor. It was all getting too weird for him to handle and deep within his dim-witted core, his teenage instincts were kicking in enough to say that this wasn't the right place to figure it out.

"Damnit, Butthead! ..What was that for?" Beavis pulled himself to stand up and Butthead thought of the quickest explanation in defense of himself.

"It's not working." He got up to leave the cafeteria, embarrassed to the point where a forced display of anger seemed to be a believable cover-up.. and from Beavis' point of view, it was. He followed him out of the room, away from everyone else, and whether he was willing to admit it or not, his senses were still tingling from Butthead's touching him like he did. Neither of them really spoke to each other for the remainder of the day, except when it was necessary to point out when someone said "hard," or "mount."

When school was over, Butthead did lighten up enough to take one more chance at his plan's ability to work. He knew that Kimberly would be gathered around with her friends on the stoop outside and they HAD to pass them as they exited the building. "Give me your hand, buttmunch, and don't screw it up this time." Reluctantly again, Beavis reached out to touch Butthead's hand as he demanded him to, and the both of them walked toward the door.. FINALLY this was it.. it really couldn't have come soon enough.

..but none of the girls even bothered to bat an eyelash at the two boys who so desperately wanted their attention. They paused to stare at all the females they'd tried to win over, fingers laced together, taking more time than they needed to really come to terms with things. And again, Butthead shoved Beavis away from him. "You need to be a hotter chick!" ..That, undoubtedly, was the end of everything. His patience had run out and he was ready to go home and watch tv. Alone. Either his plan had gotten out of hand or they were really never gonna score, something he wasn't willing to accept just yet. Beavis watched for a long moment as Butthead carried on down the sidewalk and, like always, followed right behind him.

Butthead had been sitting on the couch long before Beavis walked in and saying nothing, the other boy went straight to the bedroom and shut the door. Neither of them were very bright but in his mind, that was the best way he could put distance between them and to really show he was just as equally pissed off. But after ten long, boring minutes, it was clear that the lack of a tv in the room wasn't going to satisfy him at all.. and that he just wanted Butthead's company, perhaps out of habit. He didn't bother to change back into his gray shorts and Metallica tee-shirt, not just yet. Walking out of the bedroom, he came to sit beside Butthead on the couch, awkwardly trying to think of what he could say.. and from the other end, Butthead reflected on that moment in the cafeteria when Beavis was up in his lap, and how it felt to touch skin in ways he never had before. Had he said anything, he would've just called Beavis a "buttmunch" or a "bunghole," so in a bold move, at least for the sake of circumstance, he reached over to lay a hand on Beavis' thigh. At some point in time, a chick's leg was inside those jeans; thinking that made it less cumbersome.. or that's what he told himself, at least.

Then, being such an obedient copy-cat, Beavis did the same thing.. he reached over to touch Butthead's thigh, letting his fingers splay enough that their tips touched his bare skin near his knee. Maybe this was something they'd punk each other for later.. or worse, never let each other live down.. but after a day of failure, it seemed to make sense that they find a way to make it all worth it. Even if they didn't score with a chick and none of them got strikingly jealous as Butthead had wanted.

Butthead clicked the remote and the tv screen went black. He couldn't think.. and as much as he loved Pantera, he couldn't listen to them right now.. For not being a girl, Beavis wore those clothes well and maybe that was the excuse Butthead kept making for himself, but he wanted to touch him again.. and he did.. He turned toward him a little more, reaching out to run his palm down the front of the low-necked shirt, uncaring that there wasn't a set of big thingies beneath it.

Beavis heh-heh'ed uneasily and nearly pulled away. "So, like.. what're you doing?"

"Just tryin' something out," Butthead responded. It wasn't the most informative answer he could've chose, but it did say a lot. He didn't know what he was doing or where it was going, for that matter, but tugging Beavis closer to him, he felt he might as well follow through. He WAS the man between the both of them, after all.

Beavis held still as Butthead leaned close to kiss him.. it was the most awkward first kiss that could've happened but still, it happened, and it was good enough to start with. From there, both boys quickly drew back to blink at each other, and though derogatory name-calling was on the tips of their tongues, they kissed again before anything could be said. Before he realized it, Beavis was laying back on his end of the couch to let Butthead on top of him, feeling his shirt being pushed to his neck so far that he complied by taking it off. He might've worn it prettily but now, it wasn't needed.. Butthead licked the center of Beavis' chest and until he was comfortable with how to do it, his braces would occasionally scratch the other boy's skin, causing him to squirm a little. Strangely, that only enticed him to bite here and there, just as Todd had done to all his girls.. and like every one of them, Beavis reacted the same way, bowing his back up from the couch without his full control to say he kinda enjoyed it.

They kissed again, one tongue sliding between the seam of lips to touch the other, and Beavis cradled his legs at Butthead's sides, feeling his weight press between them. He'd gotten hard many times in Butthead's presence, but this was the first time he'd gotten hard FOR Butthead.. Breaking their kiss, he pushed the other boy back long enough to make a serious point.

"I'm not a chick."

..And that said so much, really. It said that Butthead's entire plan to score had failed miserably as none of the girls had fawned for him like they fawned for footballers with their girlfriends. Once again, they'd been set back from achieving the ultimate goal of attracting females, and with the money they spent, they could've bought more nachos or something... Then again, Butthead had long forgotten the original ideas he'd made and maybe it was his mistake to dress Beavis up like a girl in the first place.. or maybe he was okay with him being his girlfriend, as he'd told everyone in school he was.

Popping the button on the girly pair of jeans beneath him, Butthead slid down the zipper to loosen the waistband. He'd wanted to pull a pair of jeans down a set of hips for a long time and being so consumed by the moment, it didn't matter that it wasn't actually a chick he was undressing. Needless to say, Beavis' point went ignored, a sure sign that Butthead didn't care so long as he didn't care either.. And as far as they were concerned, they were about to score, finally, and it was actually quite exciting. Neither of them liked dudes but they liked each other okay.


End file.
